Let me explain. As a young naive boy, I had tons of female friends but never even had a kiss with anyone. Not that it bothered me back then because I was more into playing football and my studies than I was into girls (weird but true).
Then it all changed when I caught some of my seniors in the hostel back then watching porn and discussing their sex life with girls in school. I was barely in JSS3 but I was intrigued. “This sex thing sounds interesting after all, let me give it try”, my 14-year-old self-thought cunningly. To cut the long story short, it took me over 6 years after my first inquest into sex to loose my virginity. Not for lack of trying. I think it was fate that made me keep that ‘idiot’ for so long. After the shackles of virginity were lifted off my shoulders, I noticed that I myself detested virgins (female virgins).
I never wanted to date any virgin and just avoided them by all means (dated a few back then but that was after love trapped me..lol). I thought I was alone in this school of thought until I found out from many virgins that most guys run at the sound of the word “virginity”. So why do (most) guys hate virgins? Firstly, before we commence. We (especially girls) need to understand that men are visual in nature not emotional. Men are sexual beings and are sexually driven. The earlier women accept this the easier time they will have understanding men. They are attracted to girls with nice asses not nice personalities (at least at the beginning of a relationship, of course, we care about personality but I’m talking about initial attraction here).
1. The virgin stereotype
This stereotype says that virgins are naive, ignorant about sex, dull, prude, have to be handled carefully, care-less about a man’s sexual needs, too emotional, extra careful, play too hard to get etc. Dating a virgin to many guys is a burden, someone you would have to encourage to kiss, someone you would have to beg to reach second base. Remember guys are physically aroused. Virgins come across as choosy, love conscious and will rebuff a guy’s sexual advances. Most guys would ask, “why the stress?”
2. The icing on the cake
Most times a guy likes a girl and goes after her ‘aggressively’. During the ‘toasting’ stage, he is all about love and isn’t deterred when the girl tells him of her ‘virgin’ status. He is love-struck obviously. He tells her “I want you for who you are not for the sex”. She’s like “awwwww, that’s so sweet of you Kelvin”. They start dating. Did he mean it? Obviously. Will he mean it in a few months time? Hell no. When his sexual genes begin to take effect, his eyes begin to wonder and his hands begin to feel some soft God made portions of her body, no one will tell Kelvin that although this cake is sweet, icing will make it perfect. He begins to ask her for icing, she reminds him of his earlier “I don’t care if you are virgin” stand. The sexual friction begins to take its toll. Three things would happen; she gives in and loses the virginity to him, she doesn’t give in and he cheats on her to get the icing from somewhere else or they break up. Sad ending right? Guys think this far and ask themselves, “why the stress?”.Super glue nature: A few years back, a friend of mine.
3. Super glue nature
A few years back, a friend of mine. Let’s call her Becky (not her real name). She is beautiful with a body to die. She asked me to disvirgin her. No joke. I liked her but being the man that disvirgined a girl I hardly felt anything for scared the hell out of me. I couldn’t. Are my alone in this school of thought? Nope. But why? Simple. Most virgins are clingy 95% of the time. A girl kept her virginity for so long, the guy that takes it away has to be special to her and when he does, she never forgets him. A lot of girls get clingy and kinda devoted to the guy that takes her virginity. To prove my point, no girl ever forgets the name of the guy that disvirgined her. Ask around. So why would a guy in this economic recession be entangled with a girl that can’t stay away from him because she lost her virginity to him? He would ask himself, “why the stress?”
4. Opening the floodgates
Remember Becky from number 3? Yes the girl that begged me to disvirgin her. So she was finally disvigined by another guy and according to her was enjoying sex so much that she had had sex with about 5 guys as of last year. This was a girl that was a virgin for 25 years andin two yearshad done the nasty with 5 other guys. The floodgates have been opened. I asked myself, so not only would I be the one she would forever remember as her first, I would now have the guilt of opening the door for other men to enter? No way. Some guys would ask themselves, “Why the stress?”.
Let’s use John and James’ story to understand this point. So John just started seeing Blessing who is not a virgin, after a few days of dating, they both do the nasty. She has done the nasty before and he also has experience. They both bring their external experiences together to make a mind blowing sexual adventure. James on the other hand is seeing the shy, and reserved Kemi who is a virgin. Sex comes up and she shrugs him off. After sometimes, it comes up again, she agrees to try it but is scared. He has to “talk” her through it. Tell her it’s going to be okay. Makes sure she doesn’t hurt. Makes sure he takes it easy with her. Makes her feel comfortable. Tries it the first time, she cries and stops. Tries it a week after, same result. After a dozen trials, she finally gets comfortable but with her lack of experience, sex for James is boring and uneventful. John is enjoying his love life and his sex life while James is struggling on both ends of the rope. They meet and while discussing, John asks James, “why all all stress?”